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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Pierce Brosnan; Bud Selig; and Jason Mraz. PLUS:Angelina Jolie’s Twins; a CBS News interrupt; John McCain Announcement; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; and a Horse Fly vs. a House Fly.
“. . . and now, a man who’s asking for your vote for county coroner . . . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
With gas soon to go to $20 a gallon, Dave came up with this idea. He emptied his swimming pool . . . . . and filled it with gasoline. Good idea, but it’ll wreak havoc on his backyard barbecues.
Angelina Jolie gave birth to twins over the weekend. Here now is the official announcement. Announce: “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are thrilled to announce the birth of their adorable twins, a little girl, Vivienne, and a little boy, Knox.
The twins are in good health and will soon return home to join siblings Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, Connie, Kenny, Mitch, Becky, Hank, Debbie, Larry Brenda, JoJo, Tammy, Lou, Dwayne, Frank, and Rico.
A message from the Jolie-Pitts.”
Dave and the show are suddenly interrupted by a CBS News Special Report. Announce: “This is a CBS News Special Report. . . . . . (rustling of papers). . . .. where’d I put that thing? . . . . . . . . (more paper rustling) . . . . That’s not it. . . . no . . . . . no . . . it was something about the economy, or Russia. I don’t know, maybe Martians . . . . . crap . . . I left it downstairs. Screw it. Sorry.”
We go back to Dave and the show, already in progress.
Barack Obama currently appears on his second “Rolling Stone” magazine cover, which will help cement his appeal to young voters. John McCain responded with this announcement. Announce: “Reflecting his vibrant, youthful image, Barack Obama appears on the current issue of ‘Rolling Stone’ magazine. In an attempt to appeal to his core group of supporters, we here at the McCain campaign are pleased to announce that John McCain will grace the cover of next month’s ‘Kidney Stone’ magazine.
John McCain: In my day, magazines cost a nickel.”
“GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES” – “Money trumps peace.”
ACT 2:
Dave enjoys his baseball, but the game today is too long. What once took two hours now takes 6 hours. This is great for beer and hot dog sales at the park, but it tends to wear on a fan. Dave feels if it takes two hours to play 4 innings, then the game should be 4 innings.
I hope the Commissioner was listening.
Dave is asked this all the time. Rarely a day goes by where someone won’t ask him, “Dave, what’s the deal with horseflies?”
Dave holds up a picture of a horsefly. It looks a lot like a housefly, but a horsefly will attack you while a housefly will ignore you.
Another difference . . . . . Dave holds up a picture of a small hand saw. Dave says a horsefly comes with a mouth with a saw-like mouth. A horsefly will dig a hole into your flesh. . . . . .”EEEEEYOWWWWWW!” . . . . . and then suck your blood. The horsefly will then secrete anti-coagulant chemicals while sucking your blood. And the longer the horsefly is busy sucking, the more anti-coagulants it secretes into your system.
Dave holds up a photo of a beaker filled with the anti-coagulants. Paul suggests it is more a test tube than a beaker. I laughed as Paul was correct in his assumption.
A horsefly inflicts harm; though a pest, a housefly does not, unless you’re talking about germs and stuff.
ACT 3: TOP TEN – Signs You Have a Bad Bank – Tonight’s Top Ten had to do with the problems banks are having these days with the mortgage crisis and lack of credit on hand. I’m usually in charge of writing up a quick FYI card for Dave to introduce the topic, but when it comes to finance . . . . well, I’m the second person to say I know NOTHING about money and finance. My wife is usually first. I scrambled the best I could to come up with something but when I showed it to the head writer he asked for a re-write. I tried again. As he saw me studying an article I copied off the computer, he was able to tell I could not make heads or tails out of the “foreign language.” He took the article and circled three important points for me to type onto a blue card. I thought it was too much information but Dave seemed to really appreciate the info provided. I wish I could say it came from me.
The Top Ten FYI card:
- Last week, federal regulators seized the California lender, IndyMac Bank, one of the nation’s largest savings and loans.
- With $32 billion in assets, IndyMac was the biggest American lender to fail in more than two decades.
- Federal regulators are bracing for dozens of American banks to fail over the next year.
I guess that stuff means something to somebody.
TOP TEN: Signs You Have a Bad Bank. 9. Instead of Andrew Jackson, their $20 bills have a picture of Tito Jackson. 6. ATM looks suspiciously like a Ms. Pac-Man machine.
What made #6 funny to me was it was a “Ms.” Pac-Man machine, and not the more common Pac-Man machine.
PIERCE BROSNAN: He’s starring in the film, Mamma Mia! Pierce has been living in Hawaii of late. I always wonder if that’s a good idea. I mean, if you live in Hawaii, where do you go on vacation? What’s better than Hawaii? Dave holds up a few photos of Pierce in Hawaii partaking in the new upcoming sport of paddle boarding. Pierce says it’s sort of like surfing but you paddle yourself around. Dave likens it canoeing, except you’re standing. Yup, that’s just about it. We also see a photo of Pierce taking a fall into the surf off his paddle board. We’re you like me? Did you say, “Why is he wearing a watch?!”
Pierce was recently dining at a Hampton’s restaurant out on Long Island. He mentioned to one of the staff that the Tiki torches, though lovely, were burning a bit too closely to the thatch umbrellas. He was ignored. And then soon after he left, an umbrella caught fire from the Tiki. Mamma mia!
And speaking of Mamma Mia, Pierce stars in the film adaptation of the smash Broadway musical. I’ve never seen the B’way performance, but I’ve heard from many that it is fantastic. And I always say the same thing, “But it’s ABBA music!? . . . .” Pierce sings in the movie. He was very nervous going into it and as Dave said, singing is something you can’t go in to bashfully. You have to fully commit yourself. Pierce tells what he went through to get himself ready to sing. And then Dave offers him the opportunity to do a little singing here on the show. Pierce quickly declines even though the audience offers great encouragement. This makes Pierce decline even more vehemently, which delights Dave to no end. Paul tickles the ivories to the tune of ABBA’s “S.O.S.” I laughed out loud when Pierce heard it and suddenly perked in recognition, being taken over by the sweet sound of ABBA. He then crashed back to reality and declined once more. Dave says with a giggle, “I’m sorry. I knew that would be fun for some of us.” Mamma Mia! – at a theater near you this Friday, July 18th.
ACT 4: BUD SELIG: The Commissioner of Major League Baseball. Dave asks the Commissioner, “How is baseball today?” Bud says the game is better than it has ever been; more popular than ever. Last year, Major League Baseball set an attendance record for the 5th consecutive year. 80 million in MLB stadiums; 45 million at minor league stadiums. The sport has never been healthier, interest never higher. If I were an owner, I certainly couldn’t argue with that.
Steroids? Bud admits there is an impression that the game was slow to react but now believes baseball has the toughest detection system in place compared to all the other major sports. And what about Cooperstown, home of the Baseball Hall of Fame? Will Mark McGwire be there? Barry Bonds? Sammy Sosa? Roger Clemens? And if they are in, what should we think? Selig says whether these players get in or not is up to the baseball writers who selected in the inductees. And then it is up to the fans to decide there own feelings about each individual.
Tuesday night is the 79th Major League Baseball All-Star Game. Bud, who grew up in Milwaukee, first attended a ballgame at Yankee Stadium on his 15th birthday. Sitting up in the upper deck, he saw a huge birthday cake rolled out onto the field. He look up to his mother and wondered how she was able to get the Yankees to celebrate his birthday this way. Obviously, the cake wasn’t for Bud, but for Yankee manager Casey Stengel, who shared the birthday.
This All-Star game may be the last national celebration of the Yankee Stadium, as the team is moving across the street to a brand new Stadium, costing New Yorkers millions of dollars and acres of park land in the Bronx. 4 million fans attended the “old” stadium last year, playing to near capacity. I don’t know, could 4 million fans be wrong? Do the Yankees really need a new stadium? For me, all a stadium needs is a field and seats for the fans. After that, everything else is extra. The new stadium is all about the extras. I don’t need it. I don’t want it. I’m 50. I really need to get to Fenway and Wrigley someday soon.
ACT 5: Announce: “Tomorrow on the Late Show: Meryl Streep; from ‘The Dark Knight’ actor Aaron Eckhart; and musician Randy Travis. The Late Show, your home for laughter and amazing animals!
We’ll be right back.
ACT 7: JASON MRAZ: From his most recent CD, “We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.”, Jason Mraz performed “I’m Yours.”
And that was our show for Monday July 14, 2008.
I think it’s time for a Brett Favre intervention.
And we’re back . . . .
Angelina Jolie had twins. I hope she and Brad Pitt have help. It’s an awful lot of work to raise twins. I suggest they get a part-time baby sitter or something.
The time off gave me some time to listen to a lot of daytime talk radio. Here’s what I learned. To conservative radio talk show hosts, Bush can do no wrong and McCain is the only choice for President. Obama will destroy America. On the liberal talk shows, Bush has been a disaster; McCain will be more of the same; and Barack Obama will bring the hope and change we desperately need. He can do no wrong. No mater what the topic, on the conservative shows Bush and McCain are right and Obama is wrong; and on the liberal talk shows, Bush and McCain are wrong and Barack is right. No matter what is being discussed, the hosts support their side. Of course, if everything were the same but Bush was a Democrat, the Democrat/liberal talk show hosts would love and support him and the Republican/conservative talk show hosts would be destroying him day in and day out for the past 8 years.
As I drive my car, I realize I can learn nothing about the world from these talk show hosts. There is no truth in what they say; only politicking and campaigning for their “team.”
And then I switch over to sports radio. Here I listen to the New York radio hosts smash and praise the Mets based on how they are performing, and bashing and praising the Yankees based on how they are performing. Mets shortstop Jose Reyes? If he does well, if he makes the right play, he is praised. If he messes up, he is called on it. The radio guys call it as they see it after each game. A mistake here or there is often forgiven, but it will be mentioned and analyzed. If Jose continues to make mistakes, the radio guys will voice their concern and keep a keen eye on Jose’s performance in the upcoming games. Though the radio host may like Jose Reyes, when Jose does wrong, the host will admit it. It is not at all like that on political talk radio. When talk radio starts behaving like sports talk radio, it’ll make for a better listen.
Every athlete has good days and bad days and they are held accountable on the sports talk radio. No professional athlete can avoid the scrutiny, unless of course you are Bobby Clarke.
Today is July 14th, 7/14. I find it appropriate that Major League Baseball holds its Home Run Derby on 714.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
My first Little League coach, from the 1-13 New City Astros, it’s Frank Lia.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Pierce Brosnan; Bud Selig; and Jason Mraz. PLUS:Angelina Jolie’s Twins; a CBS News interrupt; John McCain Announcement; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; a Top Ten List; and a Horse Fly vs. a House Fly.
“. . . and now, a man who’s asking for your vote for county coroner . . . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
With gas soon to go to $20 a gallon, Dave came up with this idea. He emptied his swimming pool . . . . . and filled it with gasoline. Good idea, but it’ll wreak havoc on his backyard barbecues.
Angelina Jolie gave birth to twins over the weekend. Here now is the official announcement. Announce: “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are thrilled to announce the birth of their adorable twins, a little girl, Vivienne, and a little boy, Knox.
The twins are in good health and will soon return home to join siblings Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, Connie, Kenny, Mitch, Becky, Hank, Debbie, Larry Brenda, JoJo, Tammy, Lou, Dwayne, Frank, and Rico.
A message from the Jolie-Pitts.”
Dave and the show are suddenly interrupted by a CBS News Special Report. Announce: “This is a CBS News Special Report. . . . . . (rustling of papers). . . .. where’d I put that thing? . . . . . . . . (more paper rustling) . . . . That’s not it. . . . no . . . . . no . . . it was something about the economy, or Russia. I don’t know, maybe Martians . . . . . crap . . . I left it downstairs. Screw it. Sorry.”
We go back to Dave and the show, already in progress.
Barack Obama currently appears on his second “Rolling Stone” magazine cover, which will help cement his appeal to young voters. John McCain responded with this announcement. Announce: “Reflecting his vibrant, youthful image, Barack Obama appears on the current issue of ‘Rolling Stone’ magazine. In an attempt to appeal to his core group of supporters, we here at the McCain campaign are pleased to announce that John McCain will grace the cover of next month’s ‘Kidney Stone’ magazine.
John McCain: In my day, magazines cost a nickel.”
“GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES” – “Money trumps peace.”
ACT 2:
Dave enjoys his baseball, but the game today is too long. What once took two hours now takes 6 hours. This is great for beer and hot dog sales at the park, but it tends to wear on a fan. Dave feels if it takes two hours to play 4 innings, then the game should be 4 innings.
I hope the Commissioner was listening.
Dave is asked this all the time. Rarely a day goes by where someone won’t ask him, “Dave, what’s the deal with horseflies?”
Dave holds up a picture of a horsefly. It looks a lot like a housefly, but a horsefly will attack you while a housefly will ignore you.
Another difference . . . . . Dave holds up a picture of a small hand saw. Dave says a horsefly comes with a mouth with a saw-like mouth. A horsefly will dig a hole into your flesh. . . . . .”EEEEEYOWWWWWW!” . . . . . and then suck your blood. The horsefly will then secrete anti-coagulant chemicals while sucking your blood. And the longer the horsefly is busy sucking, the more anti-coagulants it secretes into your system.
Dave holds up a photo of a beaker filled with the anti-coagulants. Paul suggests it is more a test tube than a beaker. I laughed as Paul was correct in his assumption.
A horsefly inflicts harm; though a pest, a housefly does not, unless you’re talking about germs and stuff.
ACT 3: TOP TEN – Signs You Have a Bad Bank – Tonight’s Top Ten had to do with the problems banks are having these days with the mortgage crisis and lack of credit on hand. I’m usually in charge of writing up a quick FYI card for Dave to introduce the topic, but when it comes to finance . . . . well, I’m the second person to say I know NOTHING about money and finance. My wife is usually first. I scrambled the best I could to come up with something but when I showed it to the head writer he asked for a re-write. I tried again. As he saw me studying an article I copied off the computer, he was able to tell I could not make heads or tails out of the “foreign language.” He took the article and circled three important points for me to type onto a blue card. I thought it was too much information but Dave seemed to really appreciate the info provided. I wish I could say it came from me.
The Top Ten FYI card:
- Last week, federal regulators seized the California lender, IndyMac Bank, one of the nation’s largest savings and loans.
- With $32 billion in assets, IndyMac was the biggest American lender to fail in more than two decades.
- Federal regulators are bracing for dozens of American banks to fail over the next year.
I guess that stuff means something to somebody.
TOP TEN: Signs You Have a Bad Bank. 9. Instead of Andrew Jackson, their $20 bills have a picture of Tito Jackson. 6. ATM looks suspiciously like a Ms. Pac-Man machine.
What made #6 funny to me was it was a “Ms.” Pac-Man machine, and not the more common Pac-Man machine.
PIERCE BROSNAN: He’s starring in the film, Mamma Mia! Pierce has been living in Hawaii of late. I always wonder if that’s a good idea. I mean, if you live in Hawaii, where do you go on vacation? What’s better than Hawaii? Dave holds up a few photos of Pierce in Hawaii partaking in the new upcoming sport of paddle boarding. Pierce says it’s sort of like surfing but you paddle yourself around. Dave likens it canoeing, except you’re standing. Yup, that’s just about it. We also see a photo of Pierce taking a fall into the surf off his paddle board. We’re you like me? Did you say, “Why is he wearing a watch?!”
Pierce was recently dining at a Hampton’s restaurant out on Long Island. He mentioned to one of the staff that the Tiki torches, though lovely, were burning a bit too closely to the thatch umbrellas. He was ignored. And then soon after he left, an umbrella caught fire from the Tiki. Mamma mia!
And speaking of Mamma Mia, Pierce stars in the film adaptation of the smash Broadway musical. I’ve never seen the B’way performance, but I’ve heard from many that it is fantastic. And I always say the same thing, “But it’s ABBA music!? . . . .” Pierce sings in the movie. He was very nervous going into it and as Dave said, singing is something you can’t go in to bashfully. You have to fully commit yourself. Pierce tells what he went through to get himself ready to sing. And then Dave offers him the opportunity to do a little singing here on the show. Pierce quickly declines even though the audience offers great encouragement. This makes Pierce decline even more vehemently, which delights Dave to no end. Paul tickles the ivories to the tune of ABBA’s “S.O.S.” I laughed out loud when Pierce heard it and suddenly perked in recognition, being taken over by the sweet sound of ABBA. He then crashed back to reality and declined once more. Dave says with a giggle, “I’m sorry. I knew that would be fun for some of us.” Mamma Mia! – at a theater near you this Friday, July 18th.
ACT 4: BUD SELIG: The Commissioner of Major League Baseball. Dave asks the Commissioner, “How is baseball today?” Bud says the game is better than it has ever been; more popular than ever. Last year, Major League Baseball set an attendance record for the 5th consecutive year. 80 million in MLB stadiums; 45 million at minor league stadiums. The sport has never been healthier, interest never higher. If I were an owner, I certainly couldn’t argue with that.
Steroids? Bud admits there is an impression that the game was slow to react but now believes baseball has the toughest detection system in place compared to all the other major sports. And what about Cooperstown, home of the Baseball Hall of Fame? Will Mark McGwire be there? Barry Bonds? Sammy Sosa? Roger Clemens? And if they are in, what should we think? Selig says whether these players get in or not is up to the baseball writers who selected in the inductees. And then it is up to the fans to decide there own feelings about each individual.
Tuesday night is the 79th Major League Baseball All-Star Game. Bud, who grew up in Milwaukee, first attended a ballgame at Yankee Stadium on his 15th birthday. Sitting up in the upper deck, he saw a huge birthday cake rolled out onto the field. He look up to his mother and wondered how she was able to get the Yankees to celebrate his birthday this way. Obviously, the cake wasn’t for Bud, but for Yankee manager Casey Stengel, who shared the birthday.
This All-Star game may be the last national celebration of the Yankee Stadium, as the team is moving across the street to a brand new Stadium, costing New Yorkers millions of dollars and acres of park land in the Bronx. 4 million fans attended the “old” stadium last year, playing to near capacity. I don’t know, could 4 million fans be wrong? Do the Yankees really need a new stadium? For me, all a stadium needs is a field and seats for the fans. After that, everything else is extra. The new stadium is all about the extras. I don’t need it. I don’t want it. I’m 50. I really need to get to Fenway and Wrigley someday soon.
ACT 5: Announce: “Tomorrow on the Late Show: Meryl Streep; from ‘The Dark Knight’ actor Aaron Eckhart; and musician Randy Travis. The Late Show, your home for laughter and amazing animals!
We’ll be right back.
ACT 7: JASON MRAZ: From his most recent CD, “We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.”, Jason Mraz performed “I’m Yours.”
And that was our show for Monday July 14, 2008.
I think it’s time for a Brett Favre intervention.
And we’re back . . . .
Angelina Jolie had twins. I hope she and Brad Pitt have help. It’s an awful lot of work to raise twins. I suggest they get a part-time baby sitter or something.
The time off gave me some time to listen to a lot of daytime talk radio. Here’s what I learned. To conservative radio talk show hosts, Bush can do no wrong and McCain is the only choice for President. Obama will destroy America. On the liberal talk shows, Bush has been a disaster; McCain will be more of the same; and Barack Obama will bring the hope and change we desperately need. He can do no wrong. No mater what the topic, on the conservative shows Bush and McCain are right and Obama is wrong; and on the liberal talk shows, Bush and McCain are wrong and Barack is right. No matter what is being discussed, the hosts support their side. Of course, if everything were the same but Bush was a Democrat, the Democrat/liberal talk show hosts would love and support him and the Republican/conservative talk show hosts would be destroying him day in and day out for the past 8 years.
As I drive my car, I realize I can learn nothing about the world from these talk show hosts. There is no truth in what they say; only politicking and campaigning for their “team.”
And then I switch over to sports radio. Here I listen to the New York radio hosts smash and praise the Mets based on how they are performing, and bashing and praising the Yankees based on how they are performing. Mets shortstop Jose Reyes? If he does well, if he makes the right play, he is praised. If he messes up, he is called on it. The radio guys call it as they see it after each game. A mistake here or there is often forgiven, but it will be mentioned and analyzed. If Jose continues to make mistakes, the radio guys will voice their concern and keep a keen eye on Jose’s performance in the upcoming games. Though the radio host may like Jose Reyes, when Jose does wrong, the host will admit it. It is not at all like that on political talk radio. When talk radio starts behaving like sports talk radio, it’ll make for a better listen.
Every athlete has good days and bad days and they are held accountable on the sports talk radio. No professional athlete can avoid the scrutiny, unless of course you are Bobby Clarke.
Today is July 14th, 7/14. I find it appropriate that Major League Baseball holds its Home Run Derby on 714.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
My first Little League coach, from the 1-13 New City Astros, it’s Frank Lia.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Angelina Jolie Has Twins • Exciting Changes at the Late Show • CBS News Interrupt • John McCain on "Rolling Kidneystone" • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2 • What's the Deal with Horse Flies? • Small Town News with Guys Who Look Like Dave
ACT 3 • Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Bank Read now
• Pierce Brosnan
ACT 4 • Baseball Commissioner, Bud Selig Watch now
ACT 5 • Audience Shot & Guest Plug
ACT 6 • More with Bud Selig
ACT 7 • Jason Mraz performs "I'm Yours" • Show Close
